CODE BLUE

While I was on 5 East one day I heard a Code Blue on 3 East. That's our other PCU and *Darius works on that unit. Call it intuition or a sixth sense but I had this feeling that it was his patient. I remember stopping what I was charting on and having this feeling in my stomach that made me sense doom. My preceptor asked why I'd frozen and I told her that I was pretty sure the code blue was a patient of my friends. I could almost see him doing chest compressions. The only other time I've ever experienced anything like that was when my uncle passed away and I was driving to go see him. My preceptor was able to look up the nurse for the patient the code was called on and it wasn't *Darius's name. I went back to charting, but I couldn't shake this sense of feeling like something was wrong.

An hour later when my shift ended I turned on my cell phone and I saw text messages from *Darius saying that the patient from the Code Blue was in fact his. He didn't make it. He told me it was his worst day ever. I raced down the stairs to meet him. When I arrived he was giving an oncoming nurse report and I could tell he was upset. He still had to finish charting, post-mortem charting and give report. I told him I'd wait in the break room. While I was waiting for him to finish I could hear other nurses leaving and saying to him "Good night *Darius, you did great today." When we finally walked to our cars and started talking about what happened we both started getting emotional. This was his first time doing CPR and the first time one of his patient's had passed away. At one point he started to second guess the care he gave his patient. He started to say "What if..."and that's when I stopped him. You see, as nurses, it's really easy to go home and start to wonder what we could have done to save a patient's life. Yet, when you are a good and competent nurse and you actively try every single day to keep your patients safe and free from harm you have to tell yourself "There was nothing I could do. It was my patient's time to move on." *Darius is one of those nurses. He cares so much and does all he can to make sure his patients are safe and cared for. He just couldn't see why his patient died. It was a hard loss. But in the end-from talking about death and giving him hugs he realized that he did everything in his power to care for his patient. Also, his patient was so lucky to have *Darius as his nurse in the last hours of his life. I see so many nurses stop caring-they develop compassion fatigue and don't blink an eye when a patient is hurting or dies. I pray I never get to that point or know when to seek help because I'm there. *Darius and I support one another and are lucky to have each other as friends. We look forward to the days we both work because it means someone will meet you in the parking lot at the crack of dawn before walking into the hospital, someone will make you laugh during lunch break and someone will be waiting for you at the end of your shift to walk with you back to your car. I encourage every nurse to find a positive support system. Between *Darius and my boyfriend *Arnold I am lucky to know that if I need to talk about work or something that is frustrating I will have someone to vent with and get feedback. My nursing friends from school and I have also started having brunch once a month to catch up and talk about what we've learned in regards to skills or techniques. Sometimes we even discuss our mistakes. We know that we're in a safe place with one another and it makes us feel as if we can share anything that might be on our minds. I hope all new nurses find a good support system and it fuels you through the ups and down of nursing during the beginning of your career.